This began in my mother's womb, where I was given this profound and shocking vision during a shamanic Soul Hunting. I didn’t believe it, but it has proven true throughout my research and studies. My original trauma occurred in the womb.

My mother was scarred, in pain, and carrying trauma from sexual abuse and WW II. She didn’t plan for me after 5 children and 10 years. Her feelings, fears and pain transpired to me in her womb.

Through my interactions and healing work with clients, I continually see that the baby (and child) picks up on the parent’s state of being. It is not what they say, but the inner state that is picked up and internalised.

It has been proven that the state of the mother carries onto the child.

My childhood has been a series of traumas from poverty, abuse, unending bullying and narcissism. I moved out when I was 12 years old and learned to grow up fast; where I worked from an early age and later paid for my international schooling.

These challenges are exactly what I believe, makes my work so powerful. I embody the understanding and it creates more and more compassion which not only makes me freer but also is the holding space I bring healing and safety with.

At 12, I became aware of a guiding force that kept leading me (through synchronicities) to the right books, all of which became my teachers and way showers. I began to teach myself, research and apply.
Deepak Chopra and the Channelling Seth books were among the first, after which I turned to countless other leading spiritual, scientific, and metaphysical teachers to raise me.

Now nearing my 50s, I am being mentored by Jeremie Hopi, Grandmother, and ‘GrandFather’ Gabor Maté. I feel very honoured and grateful. I hope to one day honour these deep teachings by sharing them with you to lift us all out of the conditioning we grew up in that limits us.

Connecting to your Essential Self or Soul self means you are consciously free internally to respond to external situations and create and take the right actions externally with presence, open hearts, and kind minds. To create a life for yourself with meaning.

From home, I began over-eating, and I had an eating disorder most of my life ever since; only in the past several years have I been able to love my body truly.

This is a pandemic that no one talks about. Thousands of girls die from anorexia every year in the Netherlands.

Later, in my 20’s, I also fell into deep drug abuse of LSD, ecstasy, cocaine, cannabis, and speed, all of which eventually led to psychosis.
It was a hard and humbling experience full of self-loathing, isolation, secrets, lying and manipulating, And I managed to bring myself back courageously on my own and heal.

But addictions don’t just mean substance abuse- it's finding the pain underneath that underlies the adaptive behaviour that we call addictions.

Addictions can be any behaviour, obsession or habit that has negative long-term effects; for instance, in my early 30s, I was obsessively focused on ‘saving my daughter’s life’ to heal the intergenerational trauma, but instead, I was reliving and recreating it.

To paraphrase CJ Jung, we need to make our subconscious conscious, lest it rule our lives.

We are NOT our addictions (nor beliefs, limiting behaviours), which can be anything from alcohol to shopping and overeating. Gabor Maté’s compassionate approach to healing and teachings gives me a deeper understanding of this complex dynamic. Self-love is no longer a far-off idea—it is real, and I share the importance and tools to recover this throughout my work with others.

I felt extreme shame, pain, sadness, depression and isolation around this, but Barry, another wise elder and teacher in the field of psychotherapy, told me that.

“One day these ‘hurts’ shall become my biggest strengths”– and they truly are.

I’m thankful to be able to through 1:1 guidance and mentoring others back home in themselves.

I will use that term from Jeremie, a First Nations GrandMother mentoring me. Up until being pregnant with my daughter, I was behaving in a ‘toxic masculine’ way, like feeling proud of not being sensitive, as a protection due to my upbringing and ‘overculture-conditioning’. However, I had no idea and was unaware of this.

“We don’t know what we don’t know.”

I became terrified when I realised I was pregnant with a baby girl! I knew nothing of how to raise her within a culture that depreciated the woman and all of her aspects, like motherhood, her menstruation or her menopause, with integrity and dignity intact.
I knew I never liked or wanted to be a woman. I was very dissociated from this part of me, and I knew I needed to heal, learn and change.
At her birth, my attention was on our femininity and my reclamation of my (woman)self (whatever that meant at that time).

Again, I was led to a series of synchronistic events that revealed and recovered my womanhood, its sacredness and power. This 10-year journey of discovery research underpins my work, whether 1:1 mentoring, ceremonies, retreats, or courses.

To now being part of a Woman’s Way Circle led by a passionate Hopi GrandMother.

As I said previously, motherhood was a huge initiation as I realised:

To raise my daughter, I needed to raise myself.

Birth Moment
Let me begin with the birth, where the nurse bullied me (I experienced the cruelty of racism), and it was far from conscious or loving kind.
I did not realise until afterwards, even when I could not stand for weeks after being cut open and not stitched up right, that I had experienced trauma and abuse during my birthing moment.
After the birth, I had postnatal depression but had no idea that I did. I was undergoing therapy, and I was on my own raising my daughter.

It was not until a neighbour came to visit that I realised

“it takes a village. To raise a child.”

Did you know there was research that found that the healthiest way for humans to live is in the hunter-gatherer community? Look how we are isolated to raise our children on our own. No mother (nor father) should raise her child on her own

During the years of research into feminine wisdom, I came across our Woman’s Rite of Passages.
And because I never wanted any mother-to-be to experience what I did, I now facilitate (out of the 4 Rites)
BlessingWay Ceremonies all over The Netherlands as an initiation into motherhood for pregnant mothers-to-be.
It is a powerful and necessary ceremony that prepares the mother emotionally, psychically, and spiritually for the next phase of her life.

Even though I had a passion for self-help and spirituality, I was far from ‘conscious parenting, birthing or anything relating to parenting that is available now.
It wasn’t until she was born, and I began to feel rage for no reason, I couldn’t get myself to a therapist fast enough, for I knew then, having been raised by two parents who went through war and were abusive, that something old was moving through and I did not want to pass it on.
I quickly realised that traditional therapy, even though it felt good to be heard for the first time, wasn’t helping me regulate myself.
Again, the nudgings from my Soul led me to meditation, yoga, and what I later knew as morning practice. I needed to get up before 5 a.m. to have space before my daughter woke.

This was the birth of ‘morning practices, ‘ yet at that time, it was born out of a need to protect my daughter. It was not a term I had heard of several years ago when I stepped out into the healing field.

I became passionate about helping to find the root cause of all this trauma. At first, I thought I would work with children and help them. However, it became very apparent that parents needed support and help.
I was so inspired by Dr. Shefali and her awakened family, as well as approaches such as positive discipline and positive parenting, that when I came out as an entrepreneur, I designed a live parenting course to facilitate at schools, complete with sharing circles (I did not even know they existed), sharing and holding space for the guilt and shame, because We as parents are carrying childhood wounds and our children trigger the reactions from what we carry inside which we then act out on to our children.

Parental guilt is real, and generational trauma is also real.

Parenting in these times is challenging and intense mainly because we live in a system that induces trauma, and we need one another to give the right kind of love and attention that our children require. Trauma is not only cause by a singular event, it is also due to not receiving what you needed as a child, like to be truly understood, to be given attuned presence, safety etc.

Wisdom, true inner awareness, and leadership are needed to take the ‘right action’ if we wish to see a future generation in peace, connected to one another and the earth, and fulfilled—from the base up, meaning from the spirit and from the Soul up.